Being AN Author

So… every now and then, I get asked what it’s like to ‘be’ an author. I figured it’s about time I put down at least some of those thoughts on paper (or, in this case, the mystic computer code of a blog).

When I tell people I’m an author, sometimes I get treated like a celebrity, as if I’m just that cool. I am, in fact, just as uncool as anyone else, I’m just a person who suffers a certain ailment in life. Writing.

For me, writing is not some grand calling, nor something I really Chose to do, writing is merely life. It’s unavoidable. I can’t not write, nor do I honestly have much control over what I write. I write what has to be written, and if I got too long without writing, I get edgy, like a drug addict who’s been clean too long.

Writing is insufferable, annoying, aggravating, terrifying, wonderful, blessed, horrible, and magical. Sometimes it drives me insane, staring mindlessly at my tablet for half an hour trying to write one sentence, while sometimes I can write without pause for hours, writing as fast as I can type the words.

But let me back up a sec, to what I mentioned about not having much control over what I write. This is what seperates a Real author, from a poser. It’s not financial gain, nor fame, for many, many ‘authors’ have more of both than me. But being a real author, means you feel the story. I don’t know how else to phrase it. It means you are not so much making up words and writing them down, but writing down something that already exists, yet only you can see it. Writing down a story that is already There.

It’s merely my job to put it on paper so that other people can see it too. And any time that I dare to go against the story, that I try to force my own ideas, my own plot twists into it? The whole thing just falls apart. I think my record is having to delete 5000 words when I tried to make the story go how I wanted it to go, as opposed to how it was supposed to. It just doesn’t work.

Now maybe I sound strange, or like some weird heretic when I speak in such a manner, but it’s true. Being an author, a real author, is a mystical, hard to understand process. When I’ve tried to explain it to a non-author, sometimes I am met with odd looks, or disbelief. Because they can’t understand it.

No offense meant to non-authors, who are in fact, often smarter than me. It’s just it’s hard to really understand it unless you feel it. Writing is almost religious in nature, and I know I’ll get some comments on that statement from a few folks I know. But that’s how it is.

More to follow when I get around to it, comments and discussion are welcomed 🙂

Francisco J Ruiz, Out!

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